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Indo-Pak Jokes — |
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Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak).
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.
It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped."
And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."
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In order to develop friendly relationship between the two countries, Atal Behari Vajpayee and Pervez Musharraf decided to visit each other's country regularly.
The first visit was by Vajpayee to Pakistan. There Musharraf showed him Pakistan's modern telecommunication systems. It was so good that Vajpayee made a call to the Devil in hell and talked to him for 5 minutes! The bill for the call came to only Re.1.
When Vajpayee came back, he also wanted India's telecommunication systems to be at the best when Musharraf visited India. Suitable arrangements were made. Mushrraf came to India, visited the telecom department and talked to Zia-ul-Haq in hell for 5 minutes. But this time, the bill was Rs. 500!
Musharraf asked with a sarcastic smile - "Why are telephone calls to hell so costly in India?"
A High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From Pakistan to hell, it is a local call, Sir, while from India, it is long distance!".
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General Zia driving round Islamabad came across long queues of Pakistanis outside several embassies wanting visas and entry permits to go abroad.
He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people wanted to leave the country.
No sooner did people see their President with them they left the queue to return to their homes.
President Zia asked them why they were doing so. They replied: "If you are leaving Pakistan there is no need for us to go."
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Pak dictator Zia is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel on his way to an important address. Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) doesn't see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits it.
Stopping the car, he jumps out, and Zia climbs out also to see what is going on. The chauffeur, very distressed by what he's done asks Zia what they should do, and Zia tells him impatiently that they're in a hurry and they should move the pig to the side of the road and go to the address and worry about it later.
All the way to the address the chauffeur, who is a fairly good-hearted person despite his employer, is worried about the family who owned the pig and wondered how they'd react to discovering the pig, so when they arrived he asked Zia whether he shouldn't drive back to the farm and let them know what happened.
Zia agrees before hurrying to the podium, and the Chauffeur hurries back down the road.
Four hours later, he was stumbling down the road, his arms full of gifts.
Zia in a rage demands to know what has happened to him, and the chauffeur explains, "I did what I thought was right. I went to the farm where I killed the pig. When I went and knocked on the door and gave them the news, they gave me these gifts, fed me the best food I've ever tasted and then sent me on my way."
Zia seemed confused by this and asks his chauffeur, "well what exactly did you tell them"
To which the chauffeur replied "I really can't understand it either, all I did was tell them "I'm Zia's Chauffeur, and I killed the pig."
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God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates...............
"Look everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?"
God said "Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold....."
The angel was quite surprised "But God you said everything should be in balance."
God replied "Look at the neighbors I gave them" !!
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