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Marriage Jokes— |
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"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
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Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, " I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care) . She goes for the tennis braceoet. The husband says " but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it. ' The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. " The husband says, " no -- no -- no, honey we ' re not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.
" No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. " Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!!!!!!!!
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Recently I was so embarrassed at my wedding, at the
rehearsal, the minister told my father, 'As you give
your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say
something nice to him.'
My father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed my hand on my new
husband's arm and said, 'No deposit, no return.'
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Three women were talking about their love lives.
The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."
The second said, "Mine is like a porsche; fast and powerful."
The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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