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A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I`m sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question.
The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer.
By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
A man walked into a bar with his alligator.
He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I`ll have a lawyer for my alligator."
A local Charity realized that it had never received a donation from the town`s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least Rs. 50f,00,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn`t you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the Officer mumbled, "Um...no."
"-or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken Officer began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted,
"-or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident,"
the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated Officer, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again:
"-so if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
The company owner is dying and calls in his lawyer and his accountant.
The owner says, "I am dying and I want to take my money with me. At my funeral put these envelopes in my coffin."
So at the funeral, the lawyer and the accountant put the envelopes in the coffin. But, on the way home the lawyer felt bad and told the accountant that he had opened the envelope, found one hundred thousand in cash and had taken fifty thousand out. The lawyer had justified that as his fee, but now he felt bad.
The accountant responded, "How could you have disregarded a dying man`s last request? How could you charge a fee of fifty percent? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Then, the lawyer reacted, "What did you do? You gave him all his money?"
The accountant replied, "Yes, I gave him all his money, but I left a personal cheque for the full amount"
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
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